Monday, May 22, 2006

Q: Why do you hate us, Europe?

Being confronted with the kind of work load, I always wished to be buried under, blogging was light again lately. I should have blogged about Darfur, Angela "the Miracle" Merkel's visit to China, the 40th anniversary of the Cultural Revolution and yes, immigration again, but well...Maybe tomorrow. (If you've ever been to China, you are probably used to this phrase.)

But this story is just too weird to let it go unblogged:

Germans ask why Europe hates them after Eurovision

By Erik Kirschbaum

BERLIN (Reuters) - Germans asked themselves on Monday why everyone in Europe seems to hate them after their entry to the Eurovision Song Contest ended up a dismal 15th place and got zero points from most European countries.

"Why does everyone dislike us?" asked Bild newspaper, Germany's best-selling daily on Monday, summing up the mood after the country's unusually strong entry "Texas Lightning" went in with hopes of winning but landed near the bottom.
Yes, BILD is certainly the right paper to ask why everyone hates us, for the BILD people are expressing their eternal love for all the other nations (especially those from Eastern Europe) on a daily basis.

The Sueddeutsche Zeitung, center-left hotbed of sophisticated erudity, comes up with a very convincing explanation:

"It seems a good song is a hindrance to winning," wrote the Sueddeutsche Zeitung on Monday. "The typical Grand Prix song these days is a song that is so bad it's actually good again. So 'Texas Lightning' was simply too good, too intellectual."
Reuters UK has it's own take:

More than 60 years after World War Two ended, there is a sense among Germans that the country is still being penalised for the misdeeds of previous generations.
Noooo, not that kind of sinister piffle again. Imagine a soothsayer on, say, August 30, 1939, after a long chrystal ball session would've said: "Don't invade Poland! Just don't! Thing is, if you do, you will never ever win the Eurovision Contest. Oh, wait ... correction ... you will never ever win the Eurovision Contest apart from 1982." ... Wouldn't that have been a very good reason not to start WWII? (Okay, there were other good reasons, but hey, you never know, maybe this one would have turned out to be the most convincing one).

And the closing cliché:

The loud, aggressive behaviour that some intoxicated German tourists display when abroad has contributed to the European image of the "ugly German".
Says who? Reuters UK. UK! Ha!

Seriously, I am not convinced. I mean, c'mon, Europe let us down to vote for aggressive, obviously intoxicated monsters instead? I don't buy that.

To be honest, I missed the whole Eurovision thing completely until I was forced to watch the voting procedure at a birthday party. But Andrew seems to be a fan of the Eurovision show, so if you're interested, see his LiveBlogging over at German Joys: I, II, III, IV and V - and his final conclusion:

"That Eurovision contest was fun. I'm putting it on my calendar for the rest of my life."
For more background information, see this post at Atlantic Review and Mad Minerva's contest coverage.

Even she prefers the monsters. What a desaster for Germany! As for the corpus delicti: How on earth can someone expect to get any votes by singing "No, no never"? Or, in Mad Minerva's words

Singing a song called "No, no never" seems to be asking for defeat, doesn't it?
Exactly. Next year, we'll go for victory with a remake of "It ain't me, babe". Accidently, I found the vid on youtube, so here it is. Enjoy!


Don said...

I'll put this in the form of a story.

Once upon a time there were two little boys who were the very best of friends, John and Rolf. They swore eternal friendship, spit on the cracks of sidewalks, signed blood oaths, and made common cause against Bruno, the big bad bully and held him off.

But then they grew up and things changed. Bruno was smaller now and tried to make friends with both, but particularly with Rolf.

Then another boy moved into the neighborhood. Abdul didn't seem to be much of a threat for a long time but one day he crept up behind John and floored John with a crowbar. Rolf sympathised with John but told him that he would help only if John did nothing without the approval of Rolf and Rolf's extended family. John (a big bruiser by now) ignored Rolf's sage advice and went and floored Abdul and two of his friends. Rolf complained bitterly all the way and said their pact was suspended.

Oh?! You ask what this has to do with Eurovision? Well, nothing. Sometimes a crazy dumbass song contest is just a crazy dumbass song competition. Do Germans REALLY care about beating out a pair of hooked-up Croatian dry-humpers THAT much?!!!!

Mine Gott! You reall ARE screwed up, aren't you! Oh, the angst!

Don said...

Why the WORLD Hates Germany

Because it's big, and rich, and powerful, and believes in it is morally superior, and hectoring, and ubiquitous, and makes superior products, and exports them, and doesn't see why all these things might be annoying to other entities which aren't these things.

So these entities revenge themselves by giving Germany crap points at Eurovision.

A situation utterly unparalleled in the history of the world of course. Can't think of any other countries like that, can you? Sweden maybe? How about France? How did the lady frog do? The UK? They managed to avoid nul points this year which they see as a huge victory. Goes to show.

Well.... I can think of one other country - except that they didn't send an entry to Eurovision. Probably would have gotten nul points if they had - especially if they sent a band named Texas Lightning! Things Texan are not au courant in Europe this decade - or hadn't you noticed? ;)

Next year try sending a band named Tennessee Thunder with a male lead singer looking like the failed Presidential candidate from 2000. Maximum points from France, Belgium, Norway, Spain, and probably the UK - guaranteed!

Rayson said...

Would it be a spoiler to mention that the votes in this contest are far from being representative? Probably...

But you (and don) have a point there: Why should this bother us, the Germans? Why is it important for us that other nations like the pop music we produce? Why don't we choose the songs we like and let all others do the same? Ok, for some countries this is obviously all about national pride or neighborhood friendship (guess where Balkan votes went or those of former Soviet states or those from Turks in Germany), but is there any reason to think similarly?

Honestly: I simply don't care.

Don said...

Then there is the global Eurovision contest. I refer to the election of the UN Human Rights Commission (or whatever they call it these days).

Thge Bush administration are just a bunch of spoilsports. They refused to run this year, a churlish attitude if ever I saw one.

Here were all these countries (like Germany, France, Belgium, Iran, Saudi Arabia) just itching to give Uncle Sam his commuppance by voting Zimbabwe, North Korea, Sudan, Cuba, Venezuela, and Myanamar onto the Commission while giving the foul Yankee Fiend nul points - so the degraded mutant get of a duckbilled platypus and a baboon (Bush) refuses to run!


Gungan said...


Country music made in Germany is not necessarily a bad thing.
Country music Country music made in Germany in a european song contest is like performing "Schuhplattler" in Nashville.

It's just not the right time, not the right place.

The will get over it. At least they should.
Is there any kind of german music anyway?
(Besides bigwig classical tunes?)

Don said...

"Schuhplattler in Nashville"

Perhaps not in Nashville - but I surely there would be a place in that most cosmopolitan of American entertainment capitals: Branson, Missouri:

Branson can be best described as the place where the dinosaurs go to die....